We cannot prepare for parenthood in any way. Rather, no matter how much we prepare, parenthood is bound to be full of uncertainty, and we cannot expect to know how to tackle everything. The sooner we accept this, the easier it will be for us to be open to new knowledge and experiences.
The shock, joy and overwhelming anxiety of being a new parent had hardly settled when Kavi was diagnosed with a condition that required a total three surgeries. The doctors assured us that they can handle it, but the very nature of the problem meant that the surgeries would have to be spaced out. It would take approximately six months for Kavi to fully recover. The first surgery had to be done on that day itself, on a 48-hour-old Kavi.
This was a whole new shock. I had to make sense of the news I'd just received, the questions that were thrown at me. For example, "Do you know if he has any allergies to anything?" (Uh, no, I don't know, he's literally less than 48 hours old). I had to understand the diagnosis. I had a lot of questions. Thankfully, the surgeon and their team were unbelievably calm and helpful in answering our questions and explaining how the next six months will look like for us.
I hadn't even processed fully that I entered parenthood, and here I was, listening to how my first six months as a parent will look like.
As they wheeled Kavi away for his first surgery, it hit me. I had to take care of Tanvi while she recovered, but I also had to think about how to manage my job schedule (at least I was on leave for the first few weeks) and my editing business. This was a tough question for myself as I knew I would be staying over in the NICU ward where Kavi would be for his first two weeks.
I knew it would be challenging coming home from the hospital with a newborn and working through my routine those first few months, especially as no one from our family could visit us thanks to the flight bans. But this was a mountain I had not envisioned.
I just took it one day at a time, one problem at a time. Tanvi was at home, resting and recovering, without Kavi there. Kavi was in the NICU ward, recovering after his first surgery.
I would be in the NICU ward for most of the day. I’d go home intermittently during the day to check in on Tanvi, and then go home at night to work on small editing projects I’d taken up. Editing was my “inner peace” moment in all that chaos. My life was turned upside down, but I would find joy in restructuring an ESL/EFL writer’s sentence and helping them convey their meaning.
I had also agreed to onboard new editors and train/mentor them into my client’s company. As I’ve mentioned before, I always enjoyed this responsibility. I worked with new editors who had all but given up on their careers even before they began, just because they could not make sense of editing and proofreading rules and systems, services offered and managing their own editorial impulses. Helping them through those foggy bits was strangely rewarding and satisfying.
Kavi’s discharge was when the chaos took a maniacal turn. I suppose the diagnosis distracted us from the fact that the two-hour feedings, which we had heard about and were mentally ready for, hits new parents like a truck. But, as best as we could, we managed.
The next few months, we knew, were going to be tough to say the least. We had a heat wave in Alberta, during which His Grumpiness, Kavi the Little, was at his grumpiest. But with time, things started falling into place. Thanks to TANK’s immensely supportive team culture, to some of the best colleagues I’ve worked with and to some pretty awesome clients in my business, I was able to switch on and off when needed without having any negative impact on anyone’s work in the process. And more importantly, without negatively affecting my own well-being.
A usual working day for me would involve working in tandem with Tanvi to manage Kavi's feedings and diaper changes as well as managing household chores, my job with TANK, and my freelance work. I was often found working with Kavi in my lap. In fact, he was such a frequent part of my work day that my TANK colleagues even nicknamed him Boss Baby (a name he stays true to even today).
The remainder of Kavi’s surgeries went as smoothly as they could. If anything, my personal time management reached new levels during this time. I remember working from hospital parking lots while Tanvi and Kavi went inside for appointments, from hospital rooms while staying over with Kavi, late nights and wee hours to ensure that Kavi and Tanvi had company and support during the day.
By mid-December, as all of Kavi’s surgeries were done, I looked back on 2021 as an even busier year, professionally, than 2020. And to think that I took on more work than ever with the year I had personally…
As a family, we decided not to go anywhere or do anything during the end-of-year holidays. We just sat together in our living room and enjoyed the view.
Managing life and work as a new parent was...interesting. Many people have asked me how I tackled those times and those situations, and what I felt and thought at the time. I still don't know how to answer that question. I grew up watching sportspersons like Federer, Tendulkar and Dravid, and like many people in my generation, I took inspiration from them, not just in terms of how to work but also how to conduct myself in life... how to carry on playing in the face of adversity.
I try not to let life’s vicissitudes affect what I’ve worked hard to inculcate in myself: a sense of patience, an eye on the bigger picture and the ability to tune out noise and focus on what needs to be done. That’s what I did in 2021, and that’s what I strive to do always.
In hindsight, I believe sticking to my strengths benefited us as a family. Grit and discipline can help surmount any obstacles - I’d read about that often, but 2021 made me live it.
2021 also made me more aware and conscious of the limits of my physical and mental strengths. In a twisted way, my experiences, despite their potentially deep psychological impact, gave me more confidence in myself. Throughout the year, I had no bandwidth for thinking about career growth or professional development, but as the year ended, I started feeling that I should think about it.
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